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Assessment.SolvingConflicts.comGet "back-to-the-basics" with your Marriage, Dating, Family, Friends, and/or Employment Relationships.Solving Conflicts LLC Presents: |
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Pure Gold: "Engaging, wise, and chock full of ideas ~ Paul Coleman, Psy. D., author of "How to Say It for Couples: Communicating with Tenderness, Openness, and Honesty" |
Can We Dance? “After reading this book, I have a new-found appreciation for the importance of really exploring myself to know what character qualities I need my mate to possess.” “I love the combination of information, reflection, and interaction with the arts. This approach is present, reflective and emotionally, spiritually provocative.” “Can We Dance? helped me to examine my beliefs, clarify my motivations, and analyze every step from friendship to a serious relationship. It is full of great tools that are both fun and immediately useful.” |
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Chapter One Is fighting a bad thing for relationships? Maybe it is! Maybe it is not! It depends on whether you are fighting for or against your marriage. If you are in a relationship (with Mom, Dad, Husband, Wife, Son, Daughter, Girlfriend, Boyfriend, Boss, etc. You get the picture), and if you are fighting against that relationship... of course, that is a counterproductive way to establishing a good relationship. On the other hand, if you are married and you are not fighting for your marriage relationship, there is a very good chance the other person senses that you are in some way fighting against them as an adversary. You may have become a source of stress or discouragement for them. Are you fighting for your marriage? Are you being a team player and being cooperative to fight for it so that there is unity and harmony in your relationship? Or have you been fighting against your spouse? Imagine this scenario, please. Suppose that you have never met another person ever in your life. You have grown up for 23 years some place all by yourself. It was a beautiful place. All your needs were met. You had all the food to eat that you wanted. The weather was perfect. There were beautiful tame animals all over that would play with you. You had every luxury imaginable, and no reason to wear clothes because everything was perfect. Everything, that is, except that one little detail. You were the only human there. As far as you knew, you were a one-of-a-kind species. Then one day, seemingly out of the thin blue air, you saw someone from the opposite sex standing there ...naked before your eyes for the very first time. That person you saw was perfect down to the last detail. It was the most incredibly shocking and delightful experience of your life. Now quickly, what would be the very first thing you would say? Have you thought about it yet? What would it be? Maybe, "Wow!" Maybe, "Whoa!" Maybe, "Man-oh-man!" Maybe, "Whoa-man!" Well, I suppose there would be many possible answers. However, there is one thing I can absolutely guarantee you would not say to that person the very first time you met. That would be, "Put up your dukes; Let's fight!" What nice thing can you say about marriage conflict or divorce? It is not nice to have conflict. Conflicts are not fun. Conflicts do not make us feel happy. Conflicts do not bring joy to our hearts. Conflicts do not make us feel at ease with the person whom we are in conflict. What could ever cause the two people in our imaginary tale to choose conflict over happiness? If you are past the age of two, the chance is certain you have had some conflict in your life. Where does conflict come from? This is a journey to get to the root cause of conflict in your life, whether you are married, planning a marriage, or single and still hoping and looking. Now, let's fast forward to present day Earth with an estimated population of 6.4 billion people and growing faster by the second. Let's imagine any two people on Earth meeting for the very first time ...um ...this time with their clothes on. What do you suppose would be the very first thing they would say to each other? "Well", you may say, "It depends!" Of course, they may say most anything. Yet, it is not too hard to imagine them saying to each other, "Do you want to fight?" Why is that? What is going on with us to cause so much conflict between us? Has marriage become an outdated institution? Is marriage no longer relevant in our modern world? Is it nothing more than a temporary legal agreement between two people? One does not have to look very hard or long at the issue to observe that marriage has come under attack in our world. Our First Premise!
Let's establish our first premise. Our premise is this: in all relationships of two or more people, we prefer there is no conflict. Nobody with a sane mind prefers conflict to harmony. We all prefer things to go smoothly in our relationships. It does not matter whom the relationship is with; we prefer harmony. We prefer our relationships be beneficial to both parties involved. It does not matter who the person is; we prefer there is no conflict in the relationship. It may be a two-minute relationship with a sales clerk in a store; we still do not want conflict. It may be a lifetime relationship with friends, family or loved ones; we certain do not want to have conflict with anyone. |